Trust

The Fear That Comes With Risk

The Thrive group that I’m part of is now a little over halfway through our second quarter. Our first meeting was on May 18, 2008, five months ago from today. As I was looking through old emails to try to find the exact date I had a good laugh at something that I had written.

I was inviting the people that I felt I was to start the Thrive group with, and I was so afraid that it was going to be a dismal failure. Every single one of us had enough bad experiences with groups that we were all pretty wary. We’d been disappointed so many times that the thought of trying again didn’t have much appeal. On the other hand, we all felt drawn to start to gather together in some way. Have you ever had such a strong sense that you cannot stay where you are, but you don’t really want to move either, being afraid of stepping in the wrong direction? That described us.

So, in deciding to see if maybe Thrive had something to offer us, I wasn’t even vaguely trying to “sell” the idea to anyone, because I had no idea if it was going to tank or fly. In one of my first emails to the people that eventually formed the group I wrote this line: “…this is an experiment and it may end up a disaster.” How’s that for a real vote of confidence? I laughed when I read that because I had forgotten just how little expectation I had that the Thrive materials would lead us into what we were longing for. We were (okay, still are) all so anti-program and anti-structure, but we had also found that just meeting socially to see what would happen didn’t really cut it for us.

Jonathan has often talked to me about the “risk” involved. It wasn’t until I read my comment today about the possibility of things ending up in disaster that I understood why he uses that word. Our fears were: Would we risk being disappointed again? Would we risk being vulnerable with each other? Would we risk hoping one more time? Could we bear it if we tried one more time and it failed miserably? Yes, it was a risk, and a huge one at that.

Five months later I can only say that this has been one of the best risks I’ve ever taken. I’ve never been part of any group like this. The vulnerability, the upholding of each other’s dignity, the rawness of our meetings, the safe haven it provides, the hearts being transformed, and the honesty have all combined to make our gathering together far exceed my hopes.

I felt led to share this in case someone reading this may be considering these materials but is wondering if they will disappoint like everything else you’ve tried. I cannot answer that question for you, but I did want to let you know that I understand the fear of risk that you’re facing. Sometimes it is comforting just to know that someone else has faced the same fear you are now facing when considering stepping into something new. I’ve been there. I understand. It seems it’s an inherent part of risk.

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