Finding A Way Through Conflict

One of the issues that we deal with in life is the ability to resolve conflict.  Where do we go to practice reconciliation? But often we don’t have the spaces that allow us to work through conflict in a whole, restorative way.  We revert to a common fight or flight mechanism that we’ve perfected over our life.  And the cost is our own wholeness, relationship, and even self-inflicted oppression.

As part of Thrive process, we have the clearing round.  It’s the space where we practice stepping into reconciliation and forgiveness.  Sometimes clearing is simply asking for clarity because we need help understanding.  But sometimes it means tearing down the walls that come from the moment someone steps on our dignity.

The following is a letter from a participant who went through the clearing round and found a way through the conflict. We hope that it encourages you to seek out your own restoration and reconciliation.

———————————————————

Guys,

Last night I went home very reflective.  Something happened and I didn’t know quite what it was.  I ended up staying up very late wrestling with my own brokenness that was part of last night.  I don’t like clearings as much as anyone.  As much as I didn’t like (name) calling my bullshit, he was right.  I interrupt people.  And that space of tension used to be impossible for me.  I used to run from it.  And last night I saw that in myself.  I saw that fear that always said, “This is bullshit. Friends hurt you. It really doesn’t work.”  And as I sat with that enemy, that lie, I now realize that it no longer had control over me, or defined me.

And as I wrestled with that I realized that my life has definitely shifted.  We could work through the junk.  We could stay in community and not break apart.  I was comforted by my brothers.  I had a home that could work through the bullshit and still love me.  And as much as I thought that lie had given up, it reared it’s ugly head last night to me.  But he did not win.

And it hit me that it was only going through this experience that I could discover it was no longer true.  Conflict was becoming the space where so much of my own junk was working itself out.  And as much as I don’t like that, I realize that I needed it.  I needed a new story.

I want to thank you all for showing love to me and revealing what Jesus looks like.  Our group has been a deep space of restoration and wholeness for me.  And I recognize that a lot of my restoration would not be possible without you guys.

This morning I downloaded that song (name) brought (which I thought was divine in hindsight – why am I surprised) and was really listening to the words.  And it made me wonder if last night was a revelation.  The words of this song are what happened to me last night.  But in many ways this is my own internal dialog.  It’s the conversation I have and have had with myself regarding my own brokenness.

You can see the song here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ByEy706Ykmg but the recorded version is so much better.

Honestly, can I tell you where I’m at.
Honestly, can I pull the curtain back.
Will you run, if you see how weak I am.

If you don’t see the real me,
You won’t see what mercy’s done
If you don’t see the weakness
You won’t see what love has won.

If you don’t see the distance
from the darkness to the son
You won’t see.

Honestly.

Honestly, I’m growing sick and tired.
Honestly, it hurts too much to hide.
Honestly, the brokenness that’s killing us inside.

If you don’t see the real me,
You won’t see what mercy’s done
If you don’t see the weakness
You won’t see what love has won.

If you don’t see the distance
from the darkness to the son
You won’t see.

Let the light escape
From this hole inside my soul
When I start to break,
Then grace begins to flow

Let the light escape
From this wounded place inside my soul

Honestly.

(name)