Finding Your Tribe
Do you know who your tribe is? A tribe is that group of people you know you can trust. It’s that group of people who know your story and love you anyway. Your tribe is that group of people who have stood by your side as you discover what it means to stare your fears in the face and say, “No more!”
We get asked all the time, “What do you really do?” The simple answer is, “We help people engage a mission of restoration and reconciliation by following Jesus.” But a large part of that journey takes place in the context of a tribe, a collective group of people working towards the same mission. It’s a group of people who have made a significant step in their faith to take Jesus up on his invitation to, “Come follow me.”
At first a tribe is simply a possibility. We step into the space of trust with a trepidation that says, “I’m willing to give it a shot if you are.” And suddenly there are twelve people who have gathered together to discover what it means to be human. But over time people begin to share their story and we realize that no matter the differences in skin color, hair style, education, or beliefs, we are more similar than different. We’re all broken, hoping for a better life, and wondering if this person named Jesus really can change the world. Our world.
But over time, as each of us takes a risk to trust, to explore our own humanity, we discover that these people sitting next to us desire the same thing we do: restoration. We laugh and cry and knod our heads in empathy as each of us explore our stories, our wounds, and our dreams. We smile as we begin to see that restoration is possible. Jesus shows up in profound ways that reveal a God more real than we could possible imagine.
An somewhere a long the way we’re struck with the sudden reality that these people sitting next to us are no longer strangers, but fellow travelers with the same intention. “These people” becomes “my people.” They have become a group of people who we can trust. They are our brothers and sisters who have taken the risk to follow Jesus with us. They’ve made the decision to practice love and trust in an intentional community. We trust them with our stuff, our garbage, and even our dignity. And they hold it.
We trust our tribe because together we have worked through the chaos of what it means to be human. We’ve found the space that exists on the other side of an argument or misunderstanding, and the relationship has become stronger because of it.
Most people are looking for a tribe. We talk to people all the time who want to participate in something that is bigger than where they are currently at. They like the idea of a group of people who they can trust and are working through their faith in an intentional, yet safe environment. They want to connect with people who really want to follow Jesus. For some reason they just don’t make it known.
So how do we find our tribe?
The simple answer is we ask. We find those people we know who want to follow Jesus like we do. We take the first step and say, “I’m thinking about starting a group that wants to follow Jesus. Are you interested in joining me?” You’d be surprised at how people will respond.
And what we have seen is those people who are willing to take the risk, are the ones who end up in a tribe. It just happens. They take the risk to discover something better. They invite people, assuming they want to participate. And suddenly their creative energy makes it happen.
If you are one of these people, we want to talk to you.
In reading and listening to your materials, it appears that your goal is the formation of intentional, relational community. I agree that “true community” is an “experience of human togetherness the likes of which (most people) have never known” but yearn for deeply.
Author and professor Michael Frost reflects this longing in ”Exiles – Living Missionally in a Post-Christian Culture” (especially in chapter 5 “The Exile’s Espirit de Corps”). He reports that he and a small band of Christians tried to build a community like this.
“But along the way I was regularly disquieted by visitations from slightly older people who came to our community to take a quick look at how we were doing and if it was working….They told me they too had worked on fashioning inclusive community, and that they too had experienced periods of success such as my community was currently experiencing. But…they told me it wouldn’t last. Their marvelous experiments had come undone, leaving many idealistic young people wounded or exhausted.”
Frost goes on to say “I have come to realize that aiming for community is a bit like aiming for happiness. It’s not a goal in itself….It emerges as a by-product of pursuing something else.”
At that point Frost contrasts community with “communitas”, the term first used by anthropologist Victor Turner in his 1969 book “The Ritual Process”. Alan Hirsch, in his book “The Forgotten Ways: Reactivating the Missional Church” develops the idea of Christian communitas.
Frost, after ruminating upon Turner’s concept of “liminality” (supercommunity), observes “The hunger for community is a legitimate one, but to pursue it for it’s own sake is a mistake. When we seek to build community without the experience of liminality, all we end up with is the kind of pseudo-community that pervades many churches. It’s more like a support group than a communitas.”
Frost goes on to quote Johannes Verkuyl, Dutch missiologist and former missionary, who wrote “If the creation of fellowship belongs to the heart of the Kingdom of God, then missions and evangelism do not occur if that aspect of community formation is disregarded or ignored.”
Frost comments that in days past “I took Verkuyl to mean that if we build community
first, mission will naturally follow. I now realize that that’s not true. Too many groups throughout history have done this and never made it to mission. Too many mainstream churches are trying to get their so-called internal life right before reaching out to others. They’ll find out they’ll never get the internal stuff right. If you focus on community formation solely, you almost never get to any mission.”
I am curious where you feel you and your group are. Are you developing community, or communitas? You may want to read Frosts’s book “Exiles…” if you have not already done so before you answer.
Sam,
Thrive has been heavily influence by Frost and Hirsch. Learning the word Communitas was deeply important because it gave us language to what we were experiencing.
Thrive begins with mission and hopefully creates communitas.
BTW, I don’t mind if you post this back on the blog post. I don’t mind length if it has something good to say. If you do I’ll post my response there too.